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The Story So Far
In a land far, far away (Deptford) and in a time forgotten by many (February ’05) the four of us posed for yet another photo-shootThose photos are now on the inside cover of our CD album –‘Die Young, Stay Pretty’ The events that have taken us from Deptford and have put us in SisterRay,ITunes, MusicNonStop and Amazon and countless other record stores are largely down to you…..
We just got drunk, shagged, drugged and LUCKY!! This is another mailshot, I know, but it is written with individuals in mind so please feel personalised when reading this. We have had a fantastic couple of years and we have loved showing off in front of you, making you laugh, cry, wince, shout and steadily making you view us as celebrities without fame or money.
Sure, we have had some problems with the release of the album and money and crap like that but we have never had a problem with you. Even if we forgot to practice and we sounded shit, you didn’t seem to mind much and still sang along, often knowing more of the words than Rocky. If a guitar string broke, you pretended not to notice, which is kind because Lee can only play one string and if it breaks, he’s fucked. You never laughed (too loudly) when Mark tried to convince everybody his keyboard ran on solar power and had a remote midi which explained why no leads were ever plugged in. In short you have supported us through some of the worst and best gigs we have every played!Let’s remember a few of them….
The Canarvan Castle – Alright, none of the keyboards were plugged in and Rocky mimed most of it! However, you fired silly string at us and Jessica tied you up with caution tape - all 45 of you!! It was a really good turn-out and people came from as far away as Olympia to see us! We were very nervous playing this gig as most of you had never seen us make fools of ourselves, Charlie of the variety band ‘The Fighting Cocks’ held our hands throughout and we are very grateful not just for then but for countless other times when he has helped us out and given us sound advice or even when he brings along Mothra and we know the night will descend into brilliant chaos!
Goldsmiths University – That was fucking brilliant! We got so fucked, Sarah brought PUNKS to see us and Rocky showed them his tattoos! We trashed the stage and did encores of songs we had just played and still forgot the words! Mark tried to dedicate the gig to a dear friend and forgot her name when he announced it - Classic!
Brixton Mass – We forgot to bring the backing CD and we couldn’t sound check, Claire had to pick up the CD Lee had left in his PC and bring it in at the last minute. We sawed up an acoustic guitar and Lee nearly lost one of his testicles doing it. I think a funk evangelist gospel choir had to go on after us; we used to be put on the bill with ANYBODY.
Clockwork – We played this place twice thanks to Max putting us on, he’s running some thing in Hoxton called ‘Public Image’ on Fridays which we will go to very soon. We played last, so you all had plenty of time to get drunk, especially Kamilla who danced like someone possessed with ‘Star Trek Balance’. Joel even struggled to this one, even though his legs were really bad, although thinking back he probably just wanted to stalk Minja and see if she danced as good as she looked.
Studio 11 – Sweet Jesus! Never turn up at a sex club with plenty of drugs and alcohol at 7pm when you are not due to play until 2am! Kat stood in the street hustling strangers to come and see us, the police made an inspection and we showed them around the place – we are so sociable when we are fucked you know. Each band member played their own versions of every song and in whatever order they decided and thanks to Rocky taking his shirt off we still made lots of friends……
Camden Underworld – By far the best experience ever! Daniel went crazy promoting this for us, loads of you bought tickets and paid quite a lot of money; which, although we didn’t see a penny for playing the gig, we still appreciate the fact that some of you paid so much to see only us on stage. But it turned out to be value for money with the inclusion of Kats tit’s being bounced around to ‘Suicide Bomber’, a mysterious Zambian man doing somersaults and some of you managed to get free beer we stole from the dressing room from the other bands.In total we have played 20 gigs so far and these were just some of the highlights.
We also did a video….Cheap, stupid and definitely representative of The Thought Criminals. It was shot by our producer who thought so much of us he recorded it over the tape of him having sex with a lady looking suspiciously like the woman who just made us all tea. Loads of you logged into YouTube and watched it and kindly forwarded around the world with it reaching Germany (thank you Chipsy and Diana), France (thank you Elsa), Russia (thank you Ksenia) and the USA (thanks to all the chat forums)….And of course we released some songs!
Thanks to everyone that has bought them, thought about buying them, forced others to buy them, stolen them to use as coasters – However they have got out there, have been listened to or displayed tastefully; all that will bring us ever closer to our dream of being able to buy a club that doesn’t play the Thought Criminals and is filled with every vice and pleasure that is suitable between 11pm and 7.30am. When we get it you are invited to it…
The Thought Criminals